Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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