I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You dont lie about slip and slides
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize