Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
