About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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