Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
