Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
