We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize