"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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