You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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