well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
