dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Your penis caused this!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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