i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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