Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
