i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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