That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
