found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize