as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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