was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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