i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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