Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
