My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
