If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
