stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
