It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize