Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
