Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
