are you still at the devil's house?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
