It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
