You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
