It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
