Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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