I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You've changed since you got that strap on
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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