Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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