I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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