Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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