I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
