how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
