Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize