i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
