dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
