the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You had me at "let me see your balls"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
