it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
