Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
