This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had sex on a dog bed..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
