If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
