This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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