I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
