I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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