dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
