I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
