The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
