You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Text me some of your sweat
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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