she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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