Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My dick has a subreddit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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