Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
