Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
