I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
