I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it glows. i had to have it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I touched a dick in church today
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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