My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
