Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
