The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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