She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
