I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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