yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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