I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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