this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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