all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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