Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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