I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize