I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
