The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
