I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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