you didnt know i had herpes?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
