I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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