Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
