i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
