wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
