420 ftw
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
