I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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