Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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