I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
