Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
