Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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