he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
