I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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