so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
