I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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