i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
