the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
