He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
