He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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