When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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