she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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