watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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