p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Your penis caused this!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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