I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
did i walk over a car last night?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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