Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you win again, gameday.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize