Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish you could order shots online.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
