I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
