Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
