Pants 0. Shit 1.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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