my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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