She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
