I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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